currently listening to: can't help falling in love with you by ingrid michaelson

so i guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.
and maybe we'll never know most of them.
but even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from
we can still choose where we go from there.
we can still do things.
and we can try to feel okay about them.

i don't know if you've ever felt like that.
that you wanted to sleep for a thousand years.
or just not exist.
or just not be aware that you do exist.
or something like that.
i think wanting that is very morbid,
but i want it when i get like this.

that's why i'm trying not to think.
i just want it all to stop spinning.

please believe that things are good with me,
and even when they're not,
they will be soon enough.
and i will always believe the same about you.
i just don't want you to worry about me,
or think you've met me,
or waste your time anymore.

you say that you love the rain,

but you open your umbrella when it rains.

you say that you love the sun,

but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.

you say that you love the wind,

but you close your windows when the wind blows.

this is why i am afraid, when you say that you love me too.

currently listening to: beauty in the breakdown by the scene aesthetic

ashley

you are someone who will always be there for a friend. you'll drop whatever it is that you are doing if someone you love is in need, and that is an incredibly selfless quality. you wouldn't have to think twice. most people our age do not do this. our friendship has been tested, but there was never a day when i had to question whether you'd be there if i needed you. i feel like over the past year i have watched you grow and mature so much, and you've helped me to do the same along the way. you stand up for yourself and respect yourself and you do not settle for less than you deserve, and these are qualities i hope to learn from you. i know you're the person to go to if i need to borrow a cute top, learn how to cat daddy, go to rubicon/hodads/olive, to exchange knowing bitchy glances, or just to sit down and release all the stress i've been building up. you've grown into your own and you're such a beautiful person and i am so happy to call you a friend. you'll have to get over your strange hatred of adorable little animals though because if we're going to live together again, you'll have to get used to our new adopted zoo. ferrets included. a woman of many names, i love you ash, smashley, uat, assley, sassly, and last of all, ass.

currently listening to: beds are burning by midnight oil

peace: it does not mean to be in a place where
there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.
it means to be in the midst of those things
and still be calm in your heart.

our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again;

we had longer ways to go.

but no matter, the road is life.

- kerouac

when we get out of the glass bottle of our ego

and when we escape like the squirrels in the cage of our personality

and get into the forest again, we shall shiver with cold and fright.

but thing will happen to us so that we don't know ourselves.

cool, unlying life will rush in.

spain in one week.

i will never be like this.

adventure is a path, real adventure-

self-determined, self-motivated, often risky-

forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world.

the world the way it is, not the way you imagine it.

your body will collide with the earth

and you will bear witness.

in this way you will be compelled

to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind - 

and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both.

this will change you.

nothing will every again be black and white.

currently listening to: little miss magic by jimmy buffett

the keys to patience are acceptance and faith.

accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you.

have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen.